Sunday, October 22, 2006

War of 1812 Bicentennial just might pull Region together

War of 1812 Bicentennial just might pull Region together

Mike Williscraft

Oct 20, 2006


Historians unite.

No, that's not a call to arms, rather, it is more of a call to ideas, planning and concerted effort.

And really, I should not limit the scope to historians, it just seems from first blush that many of the people keen on driving some truly unique and innovative initiatives around the bi-centennial of the War of 1812 tend to be people with an interest in history.

This is somewhat unique in its own right since, typically, big anniversaries and milestones of this nature tend to manifest themselves in the form of business-driven events.

I've been to several meetings around the region recently as the planning wheels get rolling for this most-interesting anniversary.

This is not meant to sound like a negative, but all the meetings have been almost identical. Very keen Niagara residents, all with one goal -- put this three-year skirmish in its rightful place in Canadian history --which would be the forefront.

For starters, it is likely you didn't know that the war was actually fought over three years. It makes me sound pretty smart, but I didn't know until I attended my first planning meeting in May. The most recent session was in Niagara Falls, when an excellent turnout packed a meeting room at the YMCA. Groups headed off to different sectors: events and activities; marketing and promotion; capital project and legacy; and education. The energy, ideas and creativity made it a lot of fun.

The reason I see such huge potential for this anniversary is the overall good it can do for Niagara.

Having had extensive dealings in Niagara West and covering each of the municipal councils out there at some time, I know there have been times when west-end residents have been less than enamoured with "the Region," whether it be because of a perceived funding shortfall, or just feeling a bit like outsiders due to geographic or social issues.

Our region is expansive. There are few, precious few instances or occurrences which could have the dynamics and scope to draw the region together in a strong, focused way. The 1812 anniversary has that potential.

Yes, the border communities of Fort Erie, Niagara Falls and Niagara-on-the-Lake can boast "ownership" of many of the highest profile and colorful events. But Grimsby has the legend of Billy Green and history of being the furthest encamped penetration of the U.S. at Forty Creek.

By drawing on these other events and characters of the day, a strong historical weave can be knit together to cover the entire region. As a result, all municipalities could be united - with a purpose.

There have been simply a ton of ideas. Few will be achieved, especially if federal and provincial funding is a goal, without concerted efforts from participants.

To this end, we are introducing today, the "1812 Bulletin", which you will find on page 8 of today's paper. We are working with the Niagara Parks Commission on this weekly feature, which will become THE "bulletin board" for all things 1812.

Historical tidbits, trivia, contests, meetings, events, you name it, it will all be there. There are a million stories to tell, and we're going to tell them.

mwilliscraft@niagarathisweek.com

Friday, October 13, 2006

What's your leadership styled


Niagara Falls Review

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2006

KAREN MARTIN Your Business


We've all worked for bosses we've hated or whom we've considered incompetent. In fact, for many entrepreneurs work­ing for someone they neither liked nor respected is often a major factor in their decision to start their own businesses. And we certainly hope that as business owners or managers ourselves we are doing a better job than some of the people we worked for in the past.

A recent study by two American professors, Tiziana Casciaro from the Harvard Business School, and Miguel Sopusa Lobo, from Duke University's Fuqua School of Business, has brought to light some new thinking about four main types of managers or bosses and their effectiveness in the work environment.

Casciaro and Lobo studied four organizations, for profit and non­profit, small and large, North Ameri­can and European and came up with four archetypes, which they classify as:

• The competent jerk - someone who knows a lot and is effective in his or her position, but is unpleasant to deal with;

• The lovable fool - someone who doesn't know much, but is wonder­ful to have around;

• The lovable star - someone who is smart, effective, and likeable;

• The incompetent jerk - those who are not only incompetent, but impossible to like or deal with.

Naturally, this study showed that no matter what type of working environment, everyone wanted to work with the lovable star, and of course, no one wanted to work with the incompetent jerk. However, study results were surprising when it came to employees' choices between competent jerks and lovable fools.

Expecting that most people would choose competence over likeability, Casciaro and Lobo were surprised that the likeability factor was much more important than competence. The researchers discovered what they described as the "gating factor" - if someone is strongly disliked, it is almost irrelevant whether he or she is competent. People simply won't want to work with the person.



On the other hand, when some­one is well liked, others will tend to seek out every bit of competence he or she has. As the authors of the study state: "A little extra likeability goes a longer way than a little extra competence."

This finding flies in the face of much traditional human resources thinking, wherein a high level of on-the-job competence is usually the primary requirement. Casciaro and Lobo suggest organizations promote familiarity and team building among their staff and use likeable staff members strategically, to bridge gaps between diverse groups in an organi­zation. They also suggest strategies for dealing with the competent jerk.

This study is important to small business owners for many reasons. I think it is useful for all business owners and managers and honestly examine their own leadership and management styles and see where they might fit into these archetypes. And when hiring others, it is impor­tant to remember that employees who are liked by their co-workers can be highly effective in the work­ing environment and should be placed strategically within your com­pany.

Casciaro and Lobo's full article can be found in Rotman, the magazine of the Rotman School of Manage­ment at the University of Toronto.

Karen Martin holds a Bachelor of Journal­ism degree and is an APEC Certified Busi­ness Counsellor. She teaches seminars and workshops on a variety of subjects, including business communications, mar­keting, sales, and business planning. You can contact Karen at carleton@vaxxine.com.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

NPC AND TORONTO POWER

TORONTO STAR

Powering the future

Oct. 2, 2006. 01:00 AM

TYLER HAMILTON

Ask any question on the subject of Ontario's electricity system and Jan Carr almost always has the answer — and then some.

Driving westbound along the QEW, en route to a tour of the century-old and recently decommissioned Rankine Generating Station at Niagara Falls, Carr rattles off one historical tidbit after another about hydroelectric power and its importance to the province.

With pictures and charts and maps in hand, he's a walking Wikipedia.

"I've always had an interest in the history of it," says Carr, chief executive of the Ontario Power Authority. "I've been in the business, I'm afraid to tell you, for my entire professional life."

Thirty five years to be precise, including executive roles at engineering companies Hatch Acres and Barker Dunn & Rossi Inc., where he lived and breathed power systems — everything from transmission infrastructure to the power plants that connect to it.

Before joining the newly created power authority as its first employee nearly two years ago, Carr spent roughly a year as vice-chairman of the Ontario Energy Board. He holds a PhD in power systems from the University of Waterloo and an electrical engineering degree from the University of Toronto.

His experience could prove crucial for the challenge that lies ahead. Ontario's electricity system is at a crossroads. The power authority estimates that if nothing is done within the next 10 years the province won't have enough power to meet its needs.

By 2025, the outlook is much more bleak. Roughly 80 per cent of existing generating facilities will have to be replaced, refurbished or displaced through energy conservation if rosy projections of economic growth prove correct. Failure to do so would lead to a 10,000-megawatt "energy gap" and certain economic collapse.

Much has changed in a century. Niagara Falls and other renewable hydro sources supplied most of the province's electricity during the first half of the 1900s, but as the province grew, the former Ontario Hydro relied increasingly on coal plants during the 1950s and 1960s and nuclear plants in the 1970s and 1980s to keep the economic engine humming.

Then system planning suffered a bad case of paralysis. Throughout much of the 1990s and up to 2003, the economy grew but the electricity system was largely neglected. It didn't help that 40 per cent of the province's nuclear capacity was suddenly taken offline for repair in 1997, or that price caps kept electricity rates artificially low and discouraged energy conservation.

"We inherited a mess," said Energy Minister Dwight Duncan during a public presentation in June. "Electricity demand grew by 8.5 per cent, but our generating capacity actually fell by 6 per cent. There was little investment in Ontario's transmission infrastructure. . . . There was simply no plan for Ontario's electricity system."

Complicating matters is coal. It's dirty, it contributes to smog and global warming, and the Ontario Medical Association says burning of the fossil fuel for electricity is responsible for thousands of premature deaths and many more illnesses across the province.

The McGuinty government campaigned on an ambitious commitment to shut down all coal plants, but experts warned that taking so much power offline so quickly — about 7,600 megawatts — threatened to bring instability to an already fragile system. The closure plan is now on hold and under study. So far, only the 1,140-megawatt Lakeview coal station in Mississauga has been mothballed.

Nuclear is also a sticky issue. The province's aging and controversial CANDU reactor fleet will need to be refurbished or replaced over the next 10 to 15 years in the absence of alternatives. But nuclear power's track record in Ontario is filled with cost overruns, delays, unanticipated repairs, and massive debt. And a crucial question remains unanswered: Can we safely and permanently dispose of radioactive fuel waste?

"All the roads on this file are rough," Duncan told the Star earlier this summer.

As governments tend to do when faced with difficult questions and choices, the current Liberal regime formed an independent agency in 2004 — the Ontario Power Authority (OPA) — and tapped Carr as its captain.

The power authority has been charged with drafting an electricity system blueprint that will guide the province for the next two decades. Carr assembled a management team and, after a hiring spree, the new planning agency got to work.

"The Liberals came in and recognized we do need to do some planning," says Keith Stewart, manager of the climate change campaign at WWF-Canada and co-author of Hydro: The Decline and Fall of Ontario's Electric Empire. "We're going to have a continued need for planning because electricity is literally a system. If parts of it go down, all of it collapses."

Like it or not, a key part of the estimated $46 billion plan is already complete. In December the power authority submitted recommendations to the government on what the mix of electricity supply should look like between now and 2025, on the assumption the province would need about 45,000 megawatts of supply during peak times — the most energy-demanding days and hours of the year. It also assumed coal is eliminated from the mix.

The government agreed with the power authority that renewables — hydroelectric, wind, biomass and solar energy — should be doubled to 15,700 megawatts. But it kept nuclear's contribution capped at 14,000 megawatts, 1,000 megawatts less than what was suggested, and it doubled recommended conservation targets to 6,300 megawatts.

The decision still means at least 1,000 megawatts of new nuclear reactors will be needed, and possibly more if refurbishments of existing units prove too costly.

Critics say new reactors and some refurbishments wouldn't be necessary if the government put more money and emphasis on energy efficiency, conservation and the strategic use of natural and by-product gases.


`There are a range of variables at work in

trying to make long-

term predictions like

this . . . It makes accurate predictions very hard'

Mark Winfield, director of environmental governance at the Pembina Institute


Many are outraged that the government is not putting its nuclear-dependent supply mix plan through an environmental assessment — as was done when the last plan was drafted in 1989 — while others say coal and technologies to clean it up are getting short shrift. Environmentalists say we need to up the conservation goals; others consider the current target a pipe dream.

Amid the controversy, Carr has his marching orders. "The supply mix is a policy prescribed by the government," he says. "It's our plan to draw up a physical plan to achieve it."

That's what the power authority is busily working toward today. A team of 25 employees, sleeves rolled up and armed with a $4.5 million budget, aims to release a draft of the "Integrated Power System Plan" later this fall.

The final plan, a hefty document that is sure to be the subject of intense debate, goes to the Ontario Energy Board for approval in the winter. It will be the first plan of its kind in 17 years.


Developing a 20-year electricity plan for a large province like Ontario is a mammoth exercise with many layers of complexity. It's called an "integrated" system plan because all the pieces — transmission, power generation, and conservation efforts — must be placed in a delicate, sustainable balance that's also flexible enough to change over time.

Difficult questions need to be asked, and every answer is like a move on a Rubik's Cube that alters the face of the puzzle. Consider some of the following:

· We need to build and upgrade transmission, but how much and where? Building a transmission line to Manitoba could unlock a bounty of clean hydropower and open up renewable wind power and hydro resources in northern Ontario. But what's the cost, and is it worth it?

· How will NIMBYism and Indian land claims affect transmission planning? What's the immediate and long-term impact on the environment?

· The way in which conservation targets are met will need to be laid out in detail, as will the new schedule for closing down coal plants and the strategy for replacing all that lost power. Do we demolish the coal plants, convert them to natural gas, or keep them on standby as backup generation?

· How will the coal plant closures and conservation, which can vary from region to region, influence decisions on transmission? The location and size of new nuclear reactors and the schedule for building them, as well as refurbishing old ones, needs to be factored in.

There are no easy answers.

From the outset, the plan must also anticipate long-term energy demands, make assumptions about the economic health of the province, and take into account likely advancements in technology.

Even the weather — for example, the impact of global warming on hydroelectric resources and air conditioning demand — has to figure into the equation.

Last month, the power authority released a "load forecast" discussion paper, which estimates growth in energy consumption will rise 1 per cent annually between 2005 and 2015, after which it says the forecast becomes "more uncertain."


Mark Winfield, director of environmental governance at the Pembina Institute, an energy and environmental think tank in Toronto, is leery of any attempts at a long-term forecast. He believes the power authority is not giving enough credit to technological innovation or conservation, and is being overly optimistic about economic growth and the health of industries that are in visible decline.

"There are a range of variables at work in trying to make long-term predictions like this," says Winfield, pointing to previous forecasts that fell far from the mark. "It makes accurate predictions very hard."

Stewart of WWF-Canada has similar concerns. "The thing with models is that they're dependent on the assumptions you make, and they're making assumptions that aren't realistic," he says. "Any academic will tell you if you get to control the initial assumptions, you'll get the results you want."

During the mid-1970s, for example, Ontario Hydro told the Ontario Energy Board that peak electricity demand would rise 8.2 per cent annually for the following five years, sparking approval of the Darlington nuclear station and construction of a 2,000-megawatt oil-fired plant at Wesleyville.

The demand never came, and a half-built Wesleyville was mothballed. Darlington went ahead, but the province had a power glut by the time the nuclear station became operational in the early 1990s — more than four times over budget.

In 1989, Hydro requested permission to build three new nuclear stations, two coal-powered stations and other facilities as part of a plan to double its generating network by 2014, again because of high projected electricity demand and a fear of shortages. Four years later it dropped the plan and said no major generating plants would be needed until 2009. It was the last system plan completed in the province.


`The supply mix is a

policy prescribed by the government. It's our plan

to draw up a physical

plan to achieve it'

Jan Carr, chief executive,

Ontario Power Authority


Winfield says the past teaches us a valuable lesson: "Don't commit to large, inflexible, non-incrementally expandable or shrinkable projects with very long lead times, as the assumptions on which they are planned may turn out to be sand. Then you may have a very hard time changing course."

On the opposite side of the debate is the Power Workers' Union, which represents employees in the power industry across the province. It believes the power authority's load forecast "incorporates a good dose of reality" but could even go a bit further — say, 1.8 per cent growth annually.

Amir Shalaby, vice-president of power system planning for the power authority, says a reliable plan can be created if its foundation is based on facts. We know, for instance, that certain nuclear reactors will come of age between now and 2025.

"There will be three million more people living in Ontario in 20 years. That is fact. This is immigration policy. We know the income streams, we know people's preferences," says Shalaby. "There are many things that are not going to change dramatically if you do your homework."

Shalaby, like Carr, is a three-decade veteran of the industry who has worked in senior roles at the former Ontario Hydro and the Independent Electricity System Operator. He helped prepare Hydro's 1989 system plan, and is now overseeing development of the current plan.

"Our hope is to agree on what we consider the facts, rather than choices of destiny or development patterns," he says. "If we can agree on the facts we can do a huge amount of improvement on the debate."


The Rankine station is a beautiful and grand structure overlooking the crest of the Horseshoe Falls, and Carr is like a kid in a candy store as we walk along on our private tour. He stops frequently along the way to admire the brass railings, stone archways and architectural detailing of a bygone era.

Built by U.S.-owned Canadian Niagara Power Corp., the Rankine station was opened on Jan. 2, 1905 as the most sophisticated hydroelectric generating station in the world. It was modeled after the now-demolished Adams Station on the American side of the Falls, and used technology based on the innovations of electricity pioneers George Westinghouse and Nikola Tesla.

FortisOntario, the current owner of the Rankine station, chose to shut down the facility last year and its water rights on the Niagara River come to an end in 2009. The structure will be handed over to the Niagara Parks Commission, which, if it can get the funding, plans to turn it into a museum.

Carr, in 1983, attempted to do the same for the slightly younger but poorly kept Toronto Power Generating Station just down the road. That station began operation in 1906 but Ontario Hydro shut it down in 1973 and left it to deteriorate.

"It was built to supply the city of Toronto, and they built a long transmission line from Niagara Falls to Toronto," says Carr, who wanted to turn the station into a science and technology museum. "It didn't work. The Bill Davis government of the time decided to build Science North in Sudbury instead. So I moved on to other things."

Carr is like many veterans of the industry who admire engineering achievements of the past, when the construction of bigger, better and more powerful structures was a testament to the innovation of the time.

Huge, centralized hydroelectric, coal and nuclear projects fit that mould.

"Up until the 1970s there was increasing benefits to scale. The bigger the plant you built, the cheaper it was. That's very much an engineering mindset, but that also is no longer where the technology is," says Stewart.

"Our planning is all about how we generate, and it's an afterthought in looking at how it's used. This is something that has deep roots in how the system was originally built."

A fundamental issue is whether we continue to build gigawatt-sized plants in anticipation of future demand that will rise to meet supply, or focus on a more distributed, targeted generation closer to the point of consumption that's highly efficient and can be built as need arises.

WWF's Stewart fears the process is tilted in favour of old-school thinking. "I can't turn on my TV without seeing an ad from the Ontario Nuclear Association," he says. "There are those kinds of crass political forces at work, and that will and already has had an influence on the outcome."

OPA's Shalaby is aware of such criticism, and he acknowledges that his deep roots with old Hydro aren't considered an asset in some corners. But the person overseeing planning for Ontario's electricity system is more multidimensional than he may appear. A staunch believer in early childhood education, he operates a not-for-profit daycare in Markham.

Shalaby is also a friend and fan of U.S. energy-efficiency guru Amory Lovins, chief executive of the progressive Rocky Mountain Institute in Colorado.

He insists the process he's leading will be transparent, inclusive and will work toward a plan that's sustainable. "We have to be open-minded, and we are open-minded," says Shalaby, who immigrated to Canada from Egypt when he was 17.

"Being of third-world country origin, I'm very cognizant of how badly things can go if you mismanage either societal institutions or your national resources. I've seen first hand what harvesting your environment can do. Sustainability to me is not just a textbook concept."

The open question is whether the power authority can learn from the past without repeating its errors.

Meanwhile, there's still time for citizens of the province to add their voice. One way: go to the OPA's power system plan website at http://www.powerauthority.on.ca/ipsp, and click on "submissions."

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

UPDATED STEWARDS LIST SEPTEMBER 2006

Name

Randy Aird 354-8081 Hort. Section 3

Penny Berketa 356-5136 QVP

Gary Bird 871-4062 Paint Shop

Bill Burns 358-3580 Maintenance Centre

Desiree Constantinides 358-5359 QVP

Colleen Cotter 382-3448 Table Rock Quick Serve

Glenn Davis 680-0829 Legends

Maureen Ellis 680-4710 People Mover (Rapidsview)

Veronica Fawcett 371-2731 Floral Clock

Fernando Fortino 354-6492 Queenston

Carey Gore 357-3540 Maintenance Centre (Garage)

Fred Hopkins 994-1113 People Mover (Rapidsview)

Placido lammarino 374-6054 School of Hort

Darlane Johnston(DJ) 894-0708 People Mover (Rapidsview)

Rob Knight 684-2428 Sir Adam Beck/Floral Clock

Andrew Lacosse 356-4539 Fort Erie

lan Mather - Vice President* 356-3967 Waste/ Recycling

Colin MacKenzie 374-8756 Maintenance Centre

Michael McAndrew 295-9595 Legends on the Niagara

Shelley Reed 871-8078 Table Rock Complex

Bill Rudd - President* 382-1958 Maintenance Centre

Jenn Sanderson - Secretary* 937-6103 Maid of the Mist Restaurant

Anita Simonetti 358-9472 Table Rock Restaurant

Marie Stokes - Treasurer* 357-4219 Greenhouse

Robin Watson 354-6700 Oaks Garden Theatre

Barb Wilson - Chief Steward* 227-9082 People Movers (Rapidsview)

* Executive


Nothing trivial about new parks commission appointment


By Review staff




NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE - Ed
Werner, founding president of Horn Abbot Ltd., which introduced Triv­ial Pursuit, has been appointed to the board of the Niagara Parks Com­mission.A longtime Niagara resident, Werner's involvement in the success of the Trivial Pursuit board game has been recognized with an Out­standing Business Achievement award from the Ontario Chamber of Commerce and induction into the Canadian Toy Industry Hall of Fame.

Parks commis­sion Chairman Jim Williams wel­comed Werner as a "great acquisi­tion."


"You need good business sense around the table when you're mak­ing multi-million dollar decisions," said Williams.



In addition to his role as vice-president of Horn Abbot, Werner is president of Brox Company Limited - a company that invests in the hos­pitality, agriculture and land-devel­opment industries.

He is a member of the Niagara Enterprise Hall of Fame and has lec­tured at Brock University. He is also a lawyer, member of the Niagara Business Education Council and on the board of Colgate University.

A noted rowing champion and international hockey player, Werner has coached minor hockey in Nia-gara-on-the-Lake and Niagara Falls.

He joins other local residents Bob Gale, president of Gales Fuels and Lord Mayor Gary Burroughs on the Niagara Parks Commission.

"Ed Werner has exceptional busi­ness and marketing skills that will be an asset to the Niagara Parks Commission as it responds to the demands of an evolving market­place," said Niagara Falls MPP Kim Craitor, who made the announce­ment this week.

"His involvement in land devel­opment coupled with heritage preservation will be useful knowl­edge for the commission."

Werner's was the fourth appoint­ment .to the commission this year, as Ontario's Liberal government names new people to replace com­missioners whose terms expire. Gale and lawyer Italia Gilberti were the first two appointments this year. St. Catharines businessman David Stewart Howes, who owns Lincoln Fabrics, was recently named to the board.

The mayors of Niagara Falls, Fort Erie and Niagara-on-the-Lake are automatically members of the com­mission and regional council appoints a member. With elections in November, it's possible there will be more turnover on the parks com­mission.

By January, it would be possible to see a majority of the 12-member parks commission having less than a year of experience, Williams said.

Curious questions from Niagara Falls tourists

Curious questions from Niagara Falls tourists


In his book, Neither Here Nor There, Bill Bryson captures the quirky behaviour of those of us who love to travel: "You fly off to a strange land, eagerly abandoning all the comforts of home, and then expend vast quantities of time and money in a largely futile attempt to recapture the comforts you wouldn't have lost if you hadn't left home in the first place."

If I had a nickel for every American who stopped me while backpacking across Europe in the 1970s and asked me where they could get a decent hamburger, 1 could have stopped sleeping in fields.

Maybe that's why, at the informa­tion booths around Niagara Falls, the tourists ask some strange questions. Maybe they're just trying to surround themselves with all the creature com­forts of home. Like:

Question: Are we able to bring our guns to Canada?

Answer: Hell, yes. It's the firing pins and ammo you need to leave with me.

Each tourist season, staff members who operate the information booths around the Falls collect the oddest questions asked of them, in hopes I can come up with the answers. Actual questions, 1 might add.

Question: Isn't there anything interesting here?

Answer: Please, madam, do not let your encounter with the weather spoil your visit.

Question: Can you tell me what type of money you have in Canada?

Answer: Funny money. It's all dif­ferent colours, the two-dollar bill is now made of brass, the one-dollar coin is named after a silly bird, the hardware store takes Canadian Tire money. Look, give me all that cash and use this Air Miles card to pay for everything until you leave the coun­try.

Question: Is your electricity the same as ours?

Answer: It looks the same as yours in that it's invisible, but it's twice as powerful. You could use a blow-dryer from across the room. No, I'm seri­ous. You could mow the lawn of your motel with an electric razor.

Question: Do the whales at Marineland come from the Falls?

Answer: Yes. We catch them in the spring when they're spawning. They swim up river, then jump over the falls to lay their eggs in Chippawa. We pay students $50 each to stand at the brink of the falls and catch them before they hit the water.

Question: Can you tell me how to get to Niagara Falls from here?

Answer: OK, you go back down the QEW to Fort Erie and cross into Buf­falo. You take the New York Thruway to the Skyway Exit, which puts you on Highway 5 headed for Erie, Pa. About 10 miles down on your right is a fruit stand with a sign that reads: "Niagara Falls Information." They sell maps.

Question: What is Canadian food?

Answer: It's really just American food at twice the price.

Question: I'm here on a one-day hike. Where can I see the moose?

Answer: OK, you follow the Nia­gara River north until you come to Queenston. You cross the bridge over to Lewiston, N.Y., and go to 120 Water St. No guarantees you'll spot one, but that's the lodge where they hang out.

Question: Is my birth certificate valid here? I now have a different last name.

Answer: Welcome to the Honey­moon Capital of the World. We're tol­erant people here in Canada. Just because you got married, we see no reason to deny you were ever born. To be safe, take this marker and write your new last name over your birth name and change "seven pounds, five ounces" to - what? - 150, 160 pounds?

Question: Do you pay in the public toilets here?

Answer: No, you pee in the public toilets here. Some things are more important than capitalism.

Question: When do you shut everything down?

Answer: I figure one more victory by the Harper government oughta do it. Oh, you mean the Falls? I'm clos­ing up now, but when you're ready to leave, just hit that secret button on the side of any of those pay tele­scopes. That will shut off the water, the lights and the mist. Whatever you do, don't press twice. That activates the nuclear option on the power gen­erating plant.

Niagara Falls' tourist slogan is "One Wonder After Another."

Amen.